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three of hearts: a postmodern family

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Wow! I was in the same relationship that broke up in 2005! Two men and a woman. The three of us had gone to college together and lived together then - we didn’t have an intimate relationship in college. We lived together as college roommates sharing a home together. We all studies Political Science and had international backgrounds. Finals week was hell, but after the last final exam we partied. As we graduated from college my friend David and Diane married and moved west. I stayed in Oklahoma and began a very successful career in healthcare.

We always stayed in touch. Then I moved to California to be in a more gay friendly environment than Oklahoma. When I came out of the closet, David and Diane lived in Taos, NM. I drove straight to them and broke the news. Being my best friends, they just responded “it’s about time.”

To get to my point. I moved from Los Angeles and within 1 year, the three of us (who became business partners) purchased a house together, owned the business together and were a family. David and Diane had two sons and I was allowed to share in the parenting. It was a challenge. We didn’t last much past three years. David and Diane divorced, I moved back to Oklahoma and we closed the business. Diane and I still talk and are good friends. David is off somewhere in this world. It’s difficult talking to people in Oklahoma about this romance, this love story. But it was the most beautiful time in my life. Sometimes I still cry when I think of the loss. I wonder how many of these relationships are out there and are there resources to help them through the difficult period.

Thank you for the film! 
Steven Moore


A comment to all: having seen the movie yesterday, I saw that three simply have the same problems like two: you build something around your wishes and expectations to life and partners and when a baby is born, everybody has get back to the ground. All of a sudden you realize that there is somebody more important than yourself: your child! And then it gets difficult when you realize that the world you have created, was a soap bubble. But there’s no difference between being two or three or gay or hetero... nice movie to enhance tolerance.


Just wanted to say I am in Melbourne Australia and the film was screened here tonight on SBS television. Thought it was a great movie and that you are all wonderful parents. You have beautiful kids, it was fascinating watching the beginning of your relationship through to the end of the movie. Being a bisexual woman who is married to a straight man it bought up several issues I have thought over many years and it helps me to realise there are other people out there in a similar situation. Thanks again...and love the NYC scenes too...I'm married to a expat New Yorker who is now living here in Australia. Thanks again Sam, Samantha and Steven for a FANTASTIC movie. - Cheers, Bianca


First, I'd like to thank all of you for creating this film. There is no doubt that you felt you had something wonderful and unique worth sharing, and put good faith in Susan to create an incredible representation of your life and your love. It takes great courage to open your life up like that for a film and I am not sure I could have done it, myself having entered a treo relationship 10 years ago. My situation is different in that I am the one being removed, which I always knew was a possibilty, but it seems to be happening with little information from the other two. However, I want all of you to know that you have provided me with some amazing therapy through this film. Thank you thank you thank you.


I'm in the beginning of a triad relationship, and having what I see as a role model for what our relationship could become one day is really important and amazing to see. I mean, some people look to their parents, or their friends' parents, or to some couple they can see to see what a relationship should be like. Even gay couples can have this sort of "what we can be" in relationships around them. This is such an important story. Thank you for telling it.


I am the product of a trio family and unfortunately this film brought back the harsh realities of what happens when things don't work out. My parents story is somewhat similar however they had me very early on and stayed together until I was seven. I never thought my family was different until they broke apart smashing the little bubble that was my life. I always figured that everyone elses extra daddy was out. When I was about five I started to figure something was different but it wasn't till my parents spilt up and only started to see one other person that it finally hit me. It's not like any kid who doesn't have their parents living together, it's worse. It's hard to pick between whom you live with, where you go for holidays; it's very complicated. I love my parents but unknowingly they have put me in a very stressful situation. I used to have one mom and two dads. Now I have one mom, two dads, two step dads, a half brother and an adopted sister. And it's frustrating to live in that sort of environment. I'm not ashamed of my parents but not everyone understands. It's hard to explain to my boyfriend and even more difficult when he has explain it to his conservative family. I know that without my parents I would not be the person I am today (or possibly not even a person) but I strongly urge anyone undertaking a trio relationship to think of their kids. Please think long and hard because you get hurt and the kid gets hurt. After 12 years I've given up the notion that I can fix my family and also stopped believing that it was my fault but that's a long time and I still wish they were together. I also took my parents and my boyfriends parents to see the film. It helped them all gain a better understanding of our less than normal situation. - Kid, age 19


We're in our sixth year as a poly triad. When we started, we had absolutely no clue that anyone else on the planet was living like this. Now we've been members of the poly group here in Columbus, Ohio for 4+ years. It's me sleeping between two women. I've been legally married for 23 years with 4 incredible daughters ranging from 3 to 21. We've been with the second woman for over 5 years, and her 2 children from her previous marriage stay with us every other weekend. Living this way is so challenging, so trying, so rewarding beyond anything I had imagined - and I had a big imagination!


My family wasn't a trio, but I really identify with this! My mother and father never married, and split up when I was very young. My father married a woman, and my mother dated people of both sexes over the years. I chose to embrace the chaos -- after all, every parent one has is one more person in one's family that's there to care for you, love you and enrich your life, right? Even so, it is difficult to choose where to go and when on holidays, especially now that I've got my own partner and we've got her family to spend time with, too. I guess what I'm saying is that it seems to me that all families require scheduling choices and holiday decisions. I think this film (and this discussion) does a really good job of showing how even families as "exotic" as trios have to struggle with the same problems all families run into, the nitty gritty of having relationships and people you care about - just maybe more of them.


I haven't seen the film yet (it's not here in Key West) but I'm very interested. About thirteen years ago, when I was 20, living in NYC, I spent two years in a very intense menage-a-trois relationship. We didn't plan it, it just happened. Myself (I'm female) another girl, and a guy all met around the same time through mutual friends. We three hit it off so well, we quickly became an item. We slept in the same bed, spent all our time together, and had some of the most amazing sex I've had to this day. When it worked, it was amazing. But it was also so hard--there are no models for how to handle this kind of relationship. We tried not to let jealousy in, but eventually, our balance got messed up--I was in love with the girl, the girl was in love with the boy, and the boy was in love with having two girlfriends! Plus, we were not monogamous (or trinogamous or whatever) and both us girls were also sleeping with the guy's identical twin brother, plus I was sleeping with the brother's girlfriend! It was all rather tight-knit and messy--but wonderful in its way. I was the one who left the relationship, as I was being torn apart by jealously and confusion. I realized I was being squeezed out--they were boyfriend and girlfriend, and I was just a side-dish. Really, though they might have loved me, how long could we go on? We we lying to our families (I introduced them both as my "best friends," and the guy told his family I was just their "really good friend," etc.) The guy and girl are now married, and have been for about 8 years. I didn't maintain a friendship with them, there was just too much baggage. I am now happily married to a man who knows all about this relationship. It was, by far, the most intense, wonderful, horrible relationship I've ever had. We were all very young and really thought we could make it work without jealousy or possesiveness, but the reality was rather different. I'm always interested to see other non-traditional relationships like this, because I often wonder if this sort of relationship can be sustained, and if so, how? The world makes no place for such love. We didn't even know what to call each other.


I haven't seen the movie yet either. I am a 23 year old girl in a three way relationship with a guy and another girl. They were together for about 8 months before I met them, and we've all been together over a year. I love them both and they love me and each other. I expected it to be harder but we all sort of fell into place easily, after some initial angst. It IS hard sometimes, but I am in this for as long as it lasts. Love is love is love. Can't wait to see the film! Also, I've seen a few other movies out there about two guys and a girl relationships, but never two girls and a guy. I wonder if directors avoid that because it seems cliche?


in portland OR just checking in and saying hello. great to see poly fidelity brought to life. I think the thing that shox most people is there is one bed! - agminerals


Well, I just wanted to talk a little bit about the female's side of a M/M/F poly. We've been in the relationship roughly one year, but until this point I have not been able to define it. We're still overcoming issues of trust and jealousy, and so I am still afraid of what might happen as soon as I start thinking of us as a "trio." While this might not reach anyone who cares, I'd like to suggest, not, perhaps, this way of life, but this way of thinking. I've had to rethink a lot of my moral beliefs, which isn't really a bad thing. I think relationships should always be refreshed and bring something new in, and when you have three people, it's very easy to do that. The worst aspect is, of course, that it is very difficult not to be two-one. It's very often unbalanced, which could be quite negative if you have a cutie-jealous-freak like you do in my trio, though other times it's amusing. There have been many times when I've looked over and have been surprised to see them loving each other silently, enjoying every second. It's just something you have to deal with!


This was my life, too. We miss it and desire it again. It was terrific for almost 20 years. We loved Cheryl so much. - Marcia


i watched this wonderful doc this evening. i never had imagined that you could approach intrapersonal truth in such a convoluted style and historical manner in an observational documentary. if this film recalls anything, it's similar to fassbinder's twisted narratives on power/sex. it especially feels like "the bitter tears of petra von kant," but with (surprisingly) more drama. i was surprised at the degree to which the filmmakers were able to pry open the characters (though they seemed relatively gregarious), especially with the tragedy that occurs within the rather experimental relationship. if there is something to pull from this film, it's the need to "know thyself." if the three-pronged relationship failed, it seems likely to do with the youthfulness and naivete of the participants (they all fell in love together between 18 and 25 before anyone had properly individuated). and yet, without those qualities, such a bizarre love triangle could likely never have occured in our so-called postmodern age. my fear is that this film could be transformed into an example of why non-monogomous, non-heterosexual relationships don't work... and this can be dangerous (look at what happend to "march of the penguins" and its adoption by the conservative right justifying monogamy). and yet, the truth of "the three of hearts" is written on the wall... that the relationship didn't work out because of multiplicity of desire and polyamory. is that a universal truth on the nature of emotional love? is sexual and familial love intrinsically monogamous? i don't know... and that's what makes this film provocative.


I think you make a good point about the possiblity of this film creating a backlash. However, I think that anything controversial has that potential. And in fact, while watching this film, I found myself continuously wondering "when do we see the bad stuff", "this relationship is not real or human if there is only happiness". The fact that the relationship ended does not mean it was a failure. I belive the good it will do for people in complex relationships (three people), homosexual relationships, even just 2 people in a hetero relationship, but possibly multiple personalities and desires... is well worth the risk to be taken on the side of a backlash against "trio" or "polyamourous" relationships. Look at the beautiful children it produced, who still have 3 (or 2) parents to raise them? How many hetersexual couples do you know that have seperated after 8 years of marriage, and a kid or two? I know quite a few. I'm not sure that it is a failure, either.


Since donkey's days polygamy in one form or another (offcially or unofficially) has been practised across the world. Monkeys, whales, neanderthals, tribal folks, kings etc...so what these 3 are living is nothin new/uncharted. Its been done before (mostly 1 man and 2 women but never the less it has been accomplished). the only difference is that they are doing this in what we mistakingly call a 'civilized society' and are challenging it's foundation and core values. The fact that they find happiness with each other is not the shocker, but the fact how 'civilized modern society' will respond to this is. isnt it this civil world that created the walls of race, religion, borders etc. but hey we need structure (which society and its rules provide) because without it humans would live in the only state that nature dictates: CHAOS. so choice is simple Keep the rules and subsequently force members of society to live in the unnatural state of order or chaos.....so time for a vote [end rant] P.S It seems that Ms Singh just needed to find herself a nice desi dood...u know a mommy's beta/bollywood fan/virgin/Developer from IIT...or perhaps a successful doctor from patiala.....she seems to be suffering from a bad case of the one disease called ABCD...but hey i'm not here to judge...but that doesnt mean i cant poke some fun at her LOL - twisted1


We all can find the ways to discuss why it worked or did not work. Or poke fun on anything an everything. This film only proves one truth: relationship is like life and life is like water: even when it appears still it is changing. Good point was made about the success of this relationship - it brought two new lives ionto the world. And even when one orgues that this is not a big deal because people get born and that's how it is it is a big deal. The world has become two more players more and the chaos has become a bit more interesting. Rules of society are never the rules - we never abide by them. What we abide by are our learned or unlearned inner selfs. And people are very rare t ochart the warters of there true selfs. And true selves are those of the true world order which is CHAOS. So be happy when you are in the relationship and enjoy good things it brings but be happy when you are not in relationship because there are good things about it too. And remember: we are always in and out oof the relationship with everybody else. Enjoy it! - avtodorov


I watched the movie with great interest. This is what I came away with:

Because of the trend towards being told so often what to do, how to do it and when, society seems to move further away from taking responsibility for ones actions. As long as we do not rock the boat and stay quiet little consumers all is well. Periodically the living daylights get scared out of the population to make sure they all stay in line and the biggest threat is that the money and status symbols are taken away and you will turn into a "nothing".

Out of that comes a stubborn desire to do "what I feel like doing" regardless of who I hurt with my actions and all the consequences that come with it.

I have found this movie extremely sad. There are now 3 adults that are all hurting, going to therapy continously to "find themselves and their sexuality". Plus 2 children that for sure got their share of pain from the bitterness and fighting, living with a man and woman that stay together for all kinds of reasons except true love, which should be not just your best friend but also your lover. And were the mother is ready to be dating again and the father is really a homosexual. I am sure that getting in touch with your inner self and living out all that you can be must include a thoughtprocess to evaluate how realistic and responsible it is what I am planning on doing. - questionall


For years I have been searching for "socially palatable" material on the subject of alternative marriage and this is it. I believe that whether you are for or against the lifetsyle, it's presented here in a manner that makes it easy to see through to the reality of the situation. The credibility established by an honest format such as this lends tremendous power to the message. Thank you for your time and effort in producing this film. It is what America needs at a time when traditional marriage and values are being so fervently called into question. I am involved with several groups that have watched this and all agree that it is a film that all Americans need to see in order to make an informed decision about the topic. We do plan on using this film to help get the message to our youth. When you abandon wholesome values and God's plan for us, misery and chaos is all that lay ahead. While traditional marriage statistic's have suffered in the last 40 years as well, this film portrays a breadth and depth of emotional carnage heretofore unimaginable to the christian mind. I am sure that the intention was most probably NOT to demonize the ghastly choices made by the characters or depict the damage that can be done to the children, but it sure does so effectively. Thank you and may God have mercy on your soul.


Judge not lest ye be judged. - ihaveabrain


Trust me - I have seen much more "emotional carnage" as you have put it in the aftermath of traditional marriages than I saw in this film. Human nature causes us to do some terrible damage to each other and frankly what I saw in this film is a lot more communication happening than between most couples. It is sad when any relationship ends but to say it ended because there were 3 instead of 2 is just close minded and sad.


I enjoyed the movie but was left with a sense of anger and sadness that the children were portrayed as no more than bit players in the saga of their parents youthful experimentation. I am disgusted whenever I see children paying the price for their parents immaturity and lack of responsibility whether they be hetero- or homosexual. People seem to rely on the fact that children appear to be "resilient" when their parents divorce or embark on a lifetime of "finding themselves" through experimentation with drugs (Sam) and alternative lifestyles (I am not referring to gay lifestyles but a faux commitment like the one portrayed in the film.) As we saw with Sams' childhood, kids are actually affected (gasp!) by their parents actions. Both men knew they were gay and yet- what the hell, let's bring in a woman neither of us are attracted to and string her along for thirteen years. Oh and while we are at it, lets have us some kids! So many times I see people divorce because it's not exciting or fun any longer and don't think twice about only seeing their children every other weekend. But it's not P.C. for me to say that because we (and our children) should know that the most important thing in life is our own happiness and our own "enlightenment". It amazed me that Steven could make the announcement that he wanted out and just run to San Francisco without giving his daughter (or the son that he agreed to co-parent) a thought. My kids get upset if their dad has to work late once in awhile and they can't see him. I wonder what Stevens daughter must think deep inside. The cavalier attitude we as a society have towards children is disheartening. It's fine to experiment with your lifestyle, do whatever you want but when you decide to bring children into it, their needs should be taken into account equally. - bla


Dear bla, wow, that's a whole lot of judgement you are throwing around after watching 90 minutes of someone's (the director's) perception of 8 years of someones life. You may want to ask questions about things that were not made clear in the movie before you start shouting off whats right and wrong. Just because that Sam said I was a "weekend" dad doesn't necessarily mean I only see me daughter every other weekend. I did not just get up and leave for San Francisco, and for your information, Siena and Sumit haven't lived one day not knowing how much more they are loved then most children because they have 3 parents that care for them dearly. If you are interested in finding out all the facts about a situation before you so boldly state your opinion about them, I would be happy to answer your questions. You may want to take a look at the question and answers on this website or go to outzonetv.com and see some of the bonus features not included in the final cut of the film. - steven


Ah yes, I was waiting for the "judgement" shield to go up. I would think opening your life to the public would allow for the opinions from those of us who watched your film. I guess only positive "judgements" were expected. I did read those questions and still feel that you have a blind spot when it comes to how your actions really affect your kids. I know when I was a child I did not have the vocabulary to express my innermost feelings. I can't imagine that a child who had 3 parents living with her one day and !poof! only 2 the next wouldn't be wondering if they did something wrong. All kids internalize these things. I am sure your daughter knows she is loved but someday she will also know that in some ways, she was a product of your and Sams' youthful experimentation with her mother who was never really loved the way a woman should be. As Samantha said, most people go through this experimentation phase and grow out of it as they mature but the three of you, it seems, didn't. This is not an indictment of your homosexual lifestyle as I truly believe that homosexuality is biological. I am criticizing the cavalier way you all went into the whole childbearing thing without even knowing the legalities of it or the psychological ramifications for your child. This happens far too often in the heterosexual world also and I am just add a little enlightenment on the subject of kids and divorce. -bla


"I can't imagine that a child who had 3 parents living with her one day and !poof! only 2 the next wouldn't be wondering if they did something wrong."

Interesting fantasy, but I will say again, you have no idea what really happend in the break-up of our relationship and how we handled things with our children.

You are entitled to whatever fantasies you may have about others. There have been many perceptions about the film, both positve and negative. Your comments were just so assuming that I felt the need to respond. Enjoy your children. Enjoy your life!


bla - I wholeheartedly agree with everything you said. Sadly, because of his denial, Steven will not realize the truth in your words until Siena has the wherewithall, ability, one day to express how her parents' relationship experimentation left her feeling like a total outcast. Steven, I have no doubt that you love your daughter with all your heart, and I'm sure she KNOWS that - and always will - but you have to recognize that all of your actions will be damaging to the way she perceives herself and relationships in general. Watching the movie, I felt sorry for Samantha even at the start. I mean, come on - Who in their right mind couldn't tell FROM A MILE AWAY that Sam and Steven were 100% gay? Samantha was a product of a family that seems close-minded, and in her experimentation years, I think that the fact that she could not confide in her family about her lifestyle choice really hurt her. She rebelled against what her parents deemed a "proper" relationship, and did not have the ability (or the assistance) to take a step back and look at the big picture, and how the future would be with that type of relationship. Being treated like a princess was a new feeling for her - and who wouldn't love to have lavish gifts showered on them? And I'm sure it was boatloads of fun to take the special bond that the three of them obviously shared into the bedroom. But it's hard enough to be in a relationship with ONE other person without jealousy, money, child-rearing, and work-related issues coming into play. Plus, over the years, people grow, people change, people realize new things about themselves ... as a threesome, those changes will be even more intense; as one person starts to change, it's just normal for the other two to bond closer to each other. I was just not at all surprised (again, could see this coming a mile away) that Steven left after he "discovered" - 13 years into the relationship - that it wasn't working for him. AND, that he is living life as a gay man. And that Sam is going to be dating only men. And that Samantha is looking for a heterosexual man. Soon, the poor kids are going to have 3 homes and 6 parents. Identity crisis, anyone? Future worth issues, anyone? Instead of Samantha, Sam and Steven, their names should be Selfish, Selfish and Selfish. I really feel for those two kids. -jp


I've got to disagree, though I do understand your empathy for kids and think it's admirable. I came from a family that went through a lot of upheaval and drama during my whole childhood and adolescence, and while parts of it really, really sucked, it made me who I am today, a stronger person with no regrets or animosity. My parents did the best they possibly could. I'm glad they got together and had my brother and I, because if they hadn't, hey, I wouldn't be here. No one enters a relationship thinking they're going to mess it all up and hurt their kids -- they go into it with the best intentions, hope and love, and they do the best they can with what they've got. Sometimes it doesn't work out like they intend, but that doesn't mean they're a bad person -- it just means that things change. And things can change for anyone; look at all of the perfectly "normal" heterosexual, heteronormative marriages that end in heartache. You can't help who you love and what you desire. Just because Sam and Steven and Samantha were somewhat atypical doesn't really mean they were any more "experimental" than your average people out there looking for love. I think they did the best they could for their kids given the circumstances, and I think the kids are lucky to have three amazing people loving them and caring for them, instead of just two. Again, I'm speaking from experience.


jp, how can you be so sure about how people will turn out? Isn't that all presumptious of you? I think you are projecting some of your own feelings of self worth(or lack of)on people you don't even know. narrow minded, anyone? bitter, anyone?


After watching the film last night for the first time and being involved with the poly community for the past few years what struck me the most is how long the relationship lasted and how loving it was both towards each other and towards the children. Any family unit can split up with a lot of bitterness and hurt feelings. The best families are the ones who can move past themselves to continue to be a part of the kids lives which it seems Steven, Sam and Samantha are doing. Of course the kids are going to have questions and anger and sadness towards their parents at some point in their lives, who doesn't!!! To judge this family simply because there were 3 rather than 2 is very unfair and close-minded. It is like saying the every monogomous straight relationship will always succeed and be perfect and raise well-balanced children simply because it is "traditional". From my experience 13+ years together is well ahead of the track record of most marriages today!!! -Tina


As a Pastor and concerned person of society, I consider your film to be a disgrace to the God-given purpose of marriage. Male and female are intended to be intimate in a unique way. All a person has to do is simply look at the human design. Male and female are designed to be one. Relationships are a spiritual matter and when the laws of the creator are violated there is great pain and anguish. This pain can occur in hetrosexual relationships when the laws of God are transgressed. God in his divine wisdom and love sent his Son, Jesus Christ to deliver and save us from ourselves and the error of our ways. "There is a way that seems right to the human race, but in the end it is death." God sent his Son to offer forgiveness and eternal life. His way is best. He is the designer of all. He knows what is best. Thank you for your time and I hope you consider your lack of a moral compass. God can give a deeper understanding than your own thoughts.


Well, you had to know the bible-thumpers would react that way. I've often thought that homosexual/alternative relationships might not cause such "pain and anguish" if society and religion would allow a place for them. Does God make mistakes? No? Then aren't gays as God made them? Isn't caring for and loving another human being (or human beings) a good thing? This sort of thing has been around since the beginning of time. If He (or She) has a plan for us all, then nothing we do, if it's done out of love, can be said to go against God.


I don't think anybody will read this but am posting anyways - Iam doing it for myself. There is no right or wrong in life and death is as much valuable as life because they compliment each other. So when you ar I am gone life will still go on one way or another and there always be that search for who I really am. The bigest mistake one can make is to chose to belive that the answer can be found. The answer is the process and anything transpiring is what is needed for all of us. So let's cheer for the moments when we feel loved and let's cheer for the moments when we mourn the loss of love. But we should always remember that love is never lost as life is love and when one person does not feel loving you anymore someone outthere does love you because that how the world is. And it does not matter if that one is a male or female, young or old, rich or poor, capable or disabled. Live and let live. - avtodorov


I read it and I can't help but ask you. Why is it that non-christians go the grave searching for unattainable answers (to paraphrase), when so many of us simply accept the way things are, live by the rules and truly enjoy the journey? "Everything happens for a reason" is a cliche because it cannot be disproven. The other comment stated that gays are just as God made them which is not true. We are all "as God made us" at birth... the rest is our choice. Part of God's perfection grants all of us the freedom to choose to follow him or ignore him. That is what makes him so loving. Have your parents stood next to you every second of your life, forcing you to do what they believe is right, or did they teach you (recognizing that some parents have better skills than others) and then set you free to live your own life. God made us in His image. Every aspect of his image. The parent-child relationship is the ultimate metaphor for the God-Human relationship. Yes there is right and there is wrong in this world. I get the feeling that if someone walked into your home and destroyed that which is most valuable to you you would feel that they were "wrong" to do so. Statements like "no right or wrong" are only made to mask our own guilt over transgressions we may have made in the past or to pre-forgive ourselves for future mistakes. I do agree with intention of the often misused phrase "bible thumpers". Nobody is getting into Heaven on the points system and trying "save" people by force is rediculous. One of God's greatest gifts is the freedom of choice. Has your choice been an informed one?


It's a movie people! Can we keep god out of it?


I just saw the film and was really loved how it explored the idea of family. - TD1


Yes, it was interesting to see Sam, Samantha and Steven, experience the challanges we often see in marriage. - TD2


I felt the film was an exploration of self discovery. - SF


I think film is about growing up. Someone said about that "to individuate". But the quest is never over. Because when we say to ourselves : this is me, this is how I am, this is what I do, immediately the greatest survival mechanisms kicks in and our inner "undisturbed" self tells the ego part - no you are not that because you are much more and that much more is "nothing". We are "everything" and "nothing" at the same time. Let's step out of putting the lables on ourselves and enjoy the jorney! - avtodorov


Did anyone else find Samantha's personality etc. really attractive? I think I fell in love with that woman. lol.


I also almost felt in love to her. For me all the parties of the relationship seemed so socially talented, attractive and funny. So sad that the relationship did not last. However, it is not the "format" of the relationship to blame but just the fact that people and their ideas and attitudes change over the years and sometimes people do not fit together anymore.


It was great when Sam was explaining how he thought having a woman in the relationship would make it all more "normal." - TD1


Yes, but I'm pretty sure he meant, more "normal" to the rest of the world, his family, etc... in general in mid-90's there was often an urge for many people in homosexual realtionships to feel more accepted by people who would have otherwise accepted a heterosexual relationship. It's not so bad these days. As Sam said at a QandA session, he actually thought being in the relationship with Sam AND Steven would be more acceptable to society than his purely homosexual relationship with Steven.


It seems to me (especially after seeing this film) that families that break the mold (3somes, gay, etc) are sort of on their own when breaking up. Family law doesn't seem to apply as evenly, and partners who aren't biological parents or armed with contracts and everything are at risk of losing kids, assets, etc. This doesn't seem fair to me, or in line w/ "family values." Will non-traditional families ever be truly valued and protected? Anyone have any thoughts on this?

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